Our partners ,children and whoever is around us are valuable learning for us.
As parents we often say our teenagers don’t respect us enough or they take us for granted. Reflect it gently back on yourself. Do you treat yourself with respect ? Do you pick up after them , do too much for them? Of course they take us for granted if we allow it.Teenagers need to be loved and accepted. However they can learn to do their share and take responsibility for their actions.
Often we blame our partners when actually we are not looking after nor respecting ourselves. If you feel your partner is not treating you respectfully. Reflect it gently back on you. Are you treating yourself respectfully? Do you stand up for your needs? Are you treating yourself in a wholesome way? Are you carrying your partner too much? The only person that can ensure that we are living in an environment that is healthy is ourselves.
Often us humans blame our partner or children for something that is in ourselves. We project all the time. I can still do it after 30 years of practice! We need to see it very honestly but also with love and nonjudgement. If you are saying something about your partner, gently check in and see if it is actually in yourself. Sometimes we might be grumpy with our partner for irrelevant issues. This usually means we are struggling with something of our own. It helps to see our own feelings with love and acceptance, this enables them to shift.
Examples of projection
I often see clients who feel unloved by their partner. When they gently look at themselves they discover that actually they are terrible communicators , they rarely tell their partner what they feel. Possibly because they have learned to shut down their emotion. They rarely share their concerns around the future. They rarely ask for loving attention if they feel vulnerable. How can their partner love them, if they are shut down and not asking for what they need. We need to love ourselves, before our partner can.
If after compassionate communication our partner is unable to be loving, we may need to move on. However most are capable, even if a little rusty. They just need to be approached in the right way or exposed to our vulnerability. Once we learn to take responsibility for our own emotional health we are much better off.
Another example may be; when we dislike our job , but are too terrified or feel too unworthy to look for another. If our partner talks about loving their job we may be grumpy with them, projecting our pain.
It helps to gently look into ourselves and acknowledge our emotion with acceptance. Then projection starts to ease.
“While we blame others there is no end to the blame.” Lao Tzu
Healing always occurs when we take full responsibility in a loving manner.
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