It is a beautiful truth that when “when we give love we receive.” However we need to love Self first.
Love starts to be uncovered naturally as we deepen in presence. Then it extends to others, making the love within grow even more. A Course in Miracles has a beautiful quote ” when we give love, it reminds us what we are”
It is really about witnessing others as the divine love that they are. This helps us to recognize that we are of the same essence. This giving comes from a place of wholeness. Many humans need to allow some healing of themselves first.
Many humans can get caught in a sense of duty or even sacrifice.
Many of us can have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility for others. We feel we have to always be looking after others, rescuing and fixing. This results in ongoing depletion and overwhelm. If this rings true, it helps to stop focusing so much on others and really tune into your own needs for awhile.
Some people are so used to carrying others they do not even recognize their own needs.
Many clients are so tuned into the needs of others, they don’t know how to listen to what they need. It can take a few years of practice to get better at it. In this case I recommend never saying yes to anything, until you have slept on it and really listened to what your body needs. Then you can say either yes or no from a place of self care.
Symptoms such as overwhelm or exhaustion are an opportunity, like all symptoms.
The opportunity of overwhelm, is to slow down. We have to love ourselves first and honor what our body is feeling. There are two very common patterns that contribute to overwhelm.
- People pleasing; when we feel the need to do the right thing by everyone; saying yes to things we don’t want to do, going on committees, helping everyone, even when our body is already exhausted. We do this generally because we want to be approved of and because we think we should. However people pleasing is not honoring your soul and nor is it helping others. Start really listening to your body and what feels wholesome for you. Be prepared to say no or to do things your way. It does take courage to do this, we fear disapproval .However, the opposite tends to happen, people will start to respect you more, rather than taking you for granted.
- People carrying; when we feel the need to fix or rescue people around us. This will always make us feel very drained and it does not help the other person. It is not our role to solve other peoples problems or to fix their pain. Of course it’s beautiful to be compassionate. However, their problems are their opportunities to learn. Why would we want to take that opportunity away from people and exhaust ourselves in the process.
I probably spent 2-3 decades learning how to say no and how to stop carrying others. I had to stop that, before I could give love from a place of truth. I had to learn how to nurture myself first. It has been delightful to discover the love of extension, that overflows from a place of wholeness and presence. This really is receiving.
Much love to you Mia
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